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"Ghosts", Personal Log, SD 201805.23
Lt. Cmdr. Relok, CSci, USS Darmok
. Fear. Utterly immobilizing terror. Even panic and running for your life would be better than this. This utter hopelessness that drains every ounce of volition from your body. An intense despair that there is absolutely no way to resolve the situation in your favor.
. Pain. Widespread burning pain that covers every square inch of your body, inside and out. Every nerve ending screaming a warning that something was horribly wrong. Every surface quivering with an all-consuming fire.
. Loneliness. An utter conviction that you are absolutely the only thing in the entire universe. An irresistable desire to find something, anything, other than yourself, with which to share community.
. Even before the experimental interface in the Holodeck, these three emotions would wash over me whenever I made contact with one of these so-called "soul spheres". It was unsettling, to say the least, and I avoided physical contact whenever possible.
. But when linked into the holographic projector and resonating at the proper frequency, the touch sent a wave of emotional energy that engulfed me. It literally overpowered me and knocked me off my feet.
. When I'd regained my senses and was able to rise again, Lt. C'Syounii asked about my experience. At first, I didn't want to speak of it, to relive it, but knowing that this information is important to our mission, I responded, "The pressure wave amplified their connection with me somehow. The fear and loss I normally got from them was amplified. I think the essences in those spheres are stuck in whatever emotional state they were when trapped, fear, loss, anger, whatever ...,"
. I had first described these spheres as similar to katric arks, with the katras of the victims of the weapon stored within them. I think I've found a better term. I've heard Humans, and many other species, refer to their tales of "ghosts", spirits of the dead that linger after death, often merely residual after-images of a tragic death.
. I think perhaps what we have in these spheres are the ghosts of the weapon's victims. The residual life-energy left behind when they were killed, stripped out of the universe and entombed alone inside a tiny sphere, unable to interact with anyone or anything outside that sphere. Their last memories being that of the energy beam consuming their bodies. Their last emotion the utter despair of never being able to escape.
. Of course, this feeling is only that, an emotion, probably just a left-over side-effect of my exposure. It is illogical and has no place in my scientific exploration of the spheres. An irrelevancy that needs to be suppressed and ignored.
. I think.