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"The Birds and the Bees and the Hens" JPL

USS Excelsior Logs and Narratives

by Ensign Varok & Commander Stacey Harris
[Stardate ]

Login "The Birds and the Bees and the Hens"
JPL w/ Dr. Stacey (Bones) Harris & Ensign Varok

eta shift had just started.  Ensign Varok was working in the medical research lab, studying medical texts.  His new goal was to elevate from a medical technician to a physician's assistant.


The CMO walked in with a sample, "Ah, I see you're burning the midnight oil again, Ensign. Are you bucking for a promotion?" The CMO smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I was actually going to deliver these strep tests to Lt Buckingham, but it's pretty easy stuff- you can do it. These are from Ens Lynch and her daughter. I suspect that they both have a rather nasty and new strain of Rigellian Strep." She handed the sample tubes over to him, "let me know...and pronto, please."


“Of course, Doctor,” the young Vulcan who looked as if he should still be in a high school somewhere, replied. He took the samples and immediately started the tests.  “I assure you, that I was not burning anything and it is only seventeen thirty hours, ship's time.”


He quickly ran the test the doctor requested. Turning back to Dr. Harris, Varok confirmed,” “It is precisely as you diagnosed, Doctor.” He handed her the results.  As she looked them over, he watched her, an obvious question on his mind. Finally, Varok spoke up, “Doctor? Might I ask you about something?”


Bones leaned against the bulkhead reading the results, not feeling the pride she should after being able to diagnose a rare strain from only a passing article in a medical journal and a few symptoms. She sighed. This one will be a pain to treat. Did the ensign say it was only 5:30 pm? God, she felt like it was the middle of the night. She scrubbed her eyes hoping she wasn't coming down with something a flu. She looked up at the inquiring face of the ensign, "oh sure. Of course ensign. What's up?"


Again, Varok raised an eyebrow and glanced toward the ceiling before he realized “what's up” was a euphemism for asking him to proceed with the question.  “I realize that having Captain Trellis back aboard the ship would make a majority of the crew feel emotions of joy, even though he simply returned to be with you, his wife, but…€… “ He paused realizing how the question could make him appear.  “It is not my intention to listen in on the conversations of other crew members, but there are times when I cannot help but hear their words.”


Bones rolled her eyes. “Of course, I'm sure it's purely accidentally you pointy-eared lot can pick up on things that are said...just as I'm sure it's an accident when the damn telepaths aboard do the same thing. But no matter, do continue.”


“Why would the captain's arrival cause so much whispering back and forth and comical statements about…€… your intimate time with him?” Varok asked.


At this Bones raised her eyebrows, surprised, “ that's what the hushed statements are all about, and the quickly turning away when I walk in the room. Hmmm. Ok, I'll try to explain. Ya see, humans are not like Vulcans. The need for intimacy is ingrained within us. Not just physically but emotionally.


At his confused look, she shook her head. “I can't believe I'm explaining the birds and the bees to a Vulcan...but you see, Ensign, once every seven years is usually not enough for most of us lowly humans. Especially...say...women in their early forties. That is when human women enter their...sexual peak. It's a little like your craving but different. We tend to get, well irritable, if we are know, satisfied. Surely not to the point of Pon Farr, but it happens nonetheless. From what you're telling me, I can only assume that my staff, of whom I will wring their necks later, have noticed that I'm a little less...well grumpy, I guess, since Joshua has been back on board. Does that answer your question? Please tell me that it does. I'm a surgeon, not a sex therapist.”


The Vulcan ensign took a moment before responding. When he did answer, he gave an ever sol slight lift of his head. “Doctor, I Do understand the biological need behind intimate contact with another being.  It is not widely known, not openly stated, that Vulcans engage in sexual reease more than once every seven years. Modern Vulcans have found it lessens the symptoms of Ponn Farr, and in some cases negate them. What I find puzzling is why others would feel the need to attach humorous statements to it.”


“Um, well...I guess that depends,” she said suspiciously. “Perhaps if you tell me the specifics of what you heard, I can better answer your question.”

Varok considered the things he had heard.  “I did not hear full conversations as I did not intentionally wish to listen in, but I did hear mention about …€Â˜riding the Trellis shuttle,' and another about getting hit by his …€Â˜quantum torpedo?' the latter comment made no sense to me…€… “ He paused a moment then said, “unless they were referring to his…€…”
Bones reddened and her eyes widened and she put her hands up. “Ok enough, that's enough. Let's change the subject.”

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