USS Excelsior Logs and Narratives
||The brave crew of the USS Excelsior posts their official duty logs and creative personal logs along with intriguing stories for history to review. Excel Website|
|Captain Michael Holden & First Lieutenant Peter McMillian, SD|
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“Hashing It Out”
JDL: Captain Holden & First Lt. McMillian
The Cimarron, still being piloted by Captain Holden, slid into the landing bay of the U.S.S. Excelsior. Holden set the runabout down on the deck and powered it down He dismissed First Lt. Avais and Ensign Varok, and had instructed Commander Lobren to turn and take the ship back to Earth.
Walking back to the after medical compartment, Holden noticed Bones going over First Lt. McMillian once again. Apparently the tactical officer had succumb, once again, to injuries he received on the Purity. McMillian was now getting to his feet.
“Mr. McMillian,” Holden said. “I want you to report to sick bay with Malinda and the doctor, and when you are cleared, I would like you to report to my ready room.”
Feeling a bit more reasonable since dr true and well himself set him straight he didn't object.
Captain Holden went to the ready room. He sat down behind the desk and began to formulate his report to Command. He reviewed the bridge recording of Omega, and the crew of the Purity's, last minutes, and couldn't help but shake his head at the tragic waste of it all. Was she being noble, or just taking the coward's way out.
Having fought tooth and nail with doc bones for what seemed like hours Finally Peter said, "Doc. Believe it or not, I'm fine you've medicated me, scanned me and, for all I know, sterilized me. The captain was probably expecting me like two hours ago and yet I've been here four. I'm leaving whether you clear me or not. Okay?” Then he proceeded to walk out and headed for the captain's ready room.
When he got there he pressed the chime to announce his presence. Almost immediately came the “Enter,” response from inside and the door slid open.
Seated at his desk, Captain Holden was actually grateful for the interruption. He nodded to McMillian's presence and Indicated one of the two chairs in front of his desk. “Please, come in. Have a seat.”
After sitting down, Peter looked at Holden. He took a breath and said, “First sir, I want to thank you for rescuing my daughter. However me and you, Sir, still seem to be having issues. I think it's time we sat here, one on one, and hashed them out and figure out how we fix this.”
Holden nodded, listening to Peter. He refrained from saying the first thing that came to his mind. Instead, he replied, “I am glad we were able to put this all to rest, Lieutenant. As far as …Âour' issues, yes. We do need to talk. Why don't you tell me what issue you have with me now. And I am granting you the option to speak freely.”
Peter began trying to figure out how to politely tell the captain what was bothering him. “Sir, I realize in command school they teach that a captain needs to, how do I say this…… avoid being close with the crew. However, out here all we have is each other. Sir, I realize that staying on the ship probable would have killed me, or worse, give Omega what she needed; to use against my son, Malino. However, I need to know why you couldn't take five seconds to talk to me before just beaming me out like that?”
"A simple reason,” Holden said easily. “We didn't have five seconds to spare. Every second we remained on that ship was a second closer to us not getting off. Lt. Avatis was having difficulties maintaining a transporter lock as it was. If they would have discovered the Cimarron or simply gone to warp, we would still be aboard fighting for our lives.”
“As a captain I know you have to be distant but He is my son, Sir,” McMillian pointed out “I don't, can't have the luxury of distancing myself in a situation like that. I needed you to tell me everyone was gonna be okay and you'd protect my son. I know I'm a grown man and a Starfleet officer but do you have any idea how scared I was that I was gonna lose my son and once again you just dismissed what i was going through. Why?”
Realizing he wasn't giving Holden a chance to speak, Peter said, "Sorry, Sir. Rambling again.” Peter then waited in silence and gave Captain Holden a chance to speak.
Holden steepled his fingers in front of his face as he listened to Peter vent. Once the tactical officer finished, the captain took a breath and brought his hands down. “I would hope that you sitting here in my office, right now, speaking freely would let you know I am not dismissing you. Let me make one thing clear, though. I will not, despite who it is…… be it Commander Lobren, Dr. Harris, you or even Ensign Varok…… will not hesitate to do what is necessary for the safe return of my crew. I believe that talking to you, aboard the Purity would have taken more than a simple five minutes, Peter. You were that focused on taking out vengeance on Ms. Small. And, we were not going to leave you behind. Had we have done that, Malino, Malinda and little Lobren would be out a father. If you want to be angry with me for that, I can accept that, because you are here and you still can be angry.”
Scratching his head like he does when he knows he's wrong, Peter said, "Yeah. Dr. Tru and the Starfleet officer in me told me as much. However, you tell me Sir, if someone had kidnapped……” Peter began gulping as if just saying the words made him wince. “Your wife, Taz, and was threatening your newborn, Sir…… I think his name is Michael. Yes?... Would you be able to remain emotionally reasonable, Sir? I understand I was wrong sir hell if she didn't blow herself up id still wanna be the one to kill her. Then Thinking for a moment he says However do we even have proff shes dead, what if she got out in an escape pod or worse what if she killed herself because Malino is still in danger sir. I realize your talking to me now, and I do appreciate it, but then I was angry and then was when I needed you. Let me put it to you this way sir,……”
Captain Holden felt himself getting hot under the collar. This man on the opposite side of his desk just wasn't getting it. However, the captain did realize the man needed to vent his frustrations and Holden had told him he would listen.
“You do agree that, as a captain, you are responsible for every crew member. Well, being yes, so by association would that not include a persons mental well being as well? I mean, yes, the ship has counselors to deal with a person's mental issues or emotional issues when they come up. I realize there are many situation where you can't take the time to walk me through and even if you feel there wasn't time, Sir, I still feel you could've taken a moment to make me feel better, Sir. So I'm gonna ask this nicely, next time we are in a situation where you think i may do something or rash be im in state of mind where you think I need to be stopped try to think about this conversation and try to talk to me first. Because sir i like being here but every time every single time you just don't think you have the time it makes me feel like i don't matter sir and it upsets me deeply. And, as Dr. Tru can tell you, anger is my safety net…… if I'm upset it's easier to to get angry then to talk about it. Nine times out of ten, every time we have gotten into a fight or argument, it's because you don't talk to me. Remember when you first came aboard and I almost shot you? It was because you just came aboard throwing your weight around, wouldn't answer simple questions and were treating all my friends like we didn't matter. Sir, even when I'm rash I'm just trying to do what I believe is best to protect the ship and crew. More importantly, the people on the XL, sir or my family.” Peter paused, once again gulping as the words made him uncomfortable. “That now includes you and Micheal, Sir. we may have our issues but for the benefit or the family, we need to stop butting heads so much. So, if you promise to try to talk to me and consider my feelings before just unanimously acting, and talk to me I will try not to get so angry with you for my sake, your sake, and our family's sake, Sir.”
Captain Michael Holden sat there in silent contemplation for a long moment after McMillian had finished. There were a lot of things he could say. He also knew that most of those words would be wasted. However, Peter was right. A change had to be made and made it would be. He looked McMillian in the eyes.
“Should we find ourselves, ever again, in such a situation,” he assured the tactical officer, “I will do my best to try and convey my reasons for the orders I give.”
stood up and sighed.
"Thank you, Sir.
That's all I ask.” He
paused a moment,
thinking. At length he
said, “Hey! I just
realized Malino is now
your son too, isn't
Trying hard but not very well to hide his excitement he asked does that mean I'm dismissed sir.
Peter didn't need to be told twice. He left the captain's ready room and eagerly headed directly to his quarters, looking forward to being reunited with Kalendra, Lobren, Mainda and even Candy. The captain watched his tactical officer leave the office. He thought to himself that he should feel better, but he didn't. There was this pit in his stomach of more trouble to come. As he sat back down, he chalked it up to the unfinished report in front of him…… and the hearing that was certain to come next.